Why not gay marriage?

 Short answers to questions about same-sex "marriage"


  • How will my same-sex marriage hurt your marriage? – Unfortunately, the question is not only about the impact of the homosexual unions.  Same-sex marriages would eliminate the difference between male and female, which would affect us all.  Those who support same-sex marriage are asking society to permanently alter the definition of a family.
  • Is same-sex marriage like interracial marriage? – In short, the answer is no.  The restrictions on interracial marriage once practiced in the United States were a part of racism—an evil social problem that kept the races apart.  Marriage as an exclusively heterosexual union is a profound good that brings male and female together.  Marriage has nothing to do with race, but for thousands of years in every civilization, it has had everything to do with male and female.  Striking down bans on interracial marriage affirmed marriage by declaring that any woman has a right to marry any man.  Same-sex marriage would redefine marriage—saying men and women are optional for the family. 
  • Where does it stop? – Proponents of same-sex marriage have said that “the right to marry whomever you wish is a fundamental civil right.”1  And yet, when asked why same-sex marriage wouldn’t lead to multiple-party marriages, Cheryl Jacques, former director of the homosexual lobbying group Human Rights Campaign (HRC), said “Because I don’t approve of that.”2  Is Cheryl’s disapproval of polygamy more reasonable than my disapproval of same-sex marriage?  Once same-sex marriage is legalized, there is no logical stopping point. If marriage is torn away from its moorings, the ship could drift anywhere.
  • Can’t we all just get along by having religious marriage and civil marriage? – Marriage is more than a religious institution.  It has been present in all civilizations—not just Christian or religious ones.  Every society needs men and women to cooperate in founding homes and raising children for the benefit of society as a whole.   
  • What public good does marriage provide? – Nature unapologetically enforces and imposes marriage upon all human civilizations. Societies without same-sex families do not suffer because of such a deficiency.  If there were, societies would have created such families to meet the need for homosexual unions.  But they have not, because same-sex “marriage” exists primarily to meet personal desires of a few adults, not to provide for the public good as a whole.  Anthropologists tell us that marriage does four primary jobs.  Marriage socializes men.  It channels their sexuality and aggression in socially productive ways that harness their energy and empower society.  Marriage regulates sexuality.  Every society must have rules, roles, and standards about sexual behavior; and marriage is how societies manage human sexuality.  Marriage protects women from exploitive males.  Marriage protects women by regulating sex.  As women socialize men through marriage and parenthood, men are compelled to care and provide for their wives and children.  Marriage provides mothers and fathers for children.  Healthy children define a growing society.  And marriage is the way we ensure the next generation grows up with the irreplaceable benefit of their mother and father. 
  • Is it healthy to subject children to experimental families? – Marriage implies the possibility of children.  So, while many same-sex couples will not want children, the argument for same-sex marriage is the argument for the same-sex family.  No society at any time – primitive or developed, ancient or modern – has ever raised a generation of children in same-sex homes.  Same-sex marriage will subject a generation of children to the status of lab rats in a vast, untested, social experiment.
  • But haven’t medical and psychological groups said that same-sex parenting is fine? – Actually, there is no definitive research that compares same-sex parenting to heterosexual married parenting and draws definitive conclusions.  Instead, studies found that there often similar outcomes for children in heterosexual step-families or divorced families and same-sex parenting situations.  Although the AAP has issued statements of approval, in the following statement the group admits that research is just beginning; “The small and non-representational samples studied and the relatively young age of most of the children suggest some reserve…Research exploring the diversity of parental relationships among gay and lesbian parents is just beginning.”3  If anything, these results support the conclusion that children need both a father and a mother in the home to develop and thrive.
  • How do we know what kind of families children need? – At least thirty years of child-development research tells us that children do best when they are raised by their own mothers and fathers. Even more liberal organizations are starting to understand this.  Child Trends, in a recent research brief, explains: “An extensive body of research tells us that children do best when they grow up with both biological parents. . . . Thus, it is not simply the presence of two parents, as some have assumed, but the presence of two biological parents that seems to support children’s development.”4 
  • Is the same-sex family about the needs of the children or the wants of adults? – Rosie O’Donnell, a world-famous lesbian mother, has been quoted, when asked about her son’s desire for a father, as saying:  “But as I said to my son, Parker, ‘If you were to have a daddy, you wouldn’t have me as a mommy because I’m the kind of mommy who wants another mommy.’”5 Parker wasn’t asking for the “rights and benefits” of marriage, he asked for what he recognized as the missing piece – a daddy.  Unfortunately, the answer is: you can’t have what you need, because I want what I want.  Today we are making unwarranted assumptions about children simply because such assumptions arise from adult wishes.  We must realize that the same-sex family is a social experiment that will change the experience of growing up. 
  • Does gender really matter? – Proponents of same-sex marriage tell us that male or female, husband and wife, or mother and father do not really matter for the family or society.  We are told that “you can have a man and women in your family if you want, but neither is necessary.”  The truth is that our maleness and femaleness go right to the very core of our being.  Each gender has what the other needs but lacks.  Any family that intentionally rejects either male or female — saying either is not necessary — cannot be viewed as good and virtuous in a society that esteems the unique value of both male and female.  The idea that male and female are replaceable is really an anti-human message.
  • The above was adapted from the full 32-page document entitled Why Not Gay Marriage!